There is no responsibility in life greater than the one involved in raising children, period. As a parent, you are constantly questioning whether or not you are doing the right things or making the right decision, it is a never ending battle we have within ourselves and there's no changing that. And no parent ever wants to see their child suffer or get hurt. There is a love parents have for their children that no one can understand completely until they too have had children of their own.
As we all know, we cannot protect our children from everything. They will fall down when they are learning to walk, we have to let them get back up and try it again. That is not so hard to do, right? But, when they get older, let's say teenagers, it's not so easy to know where to draw the line.
My kids are still young, my oldest will be 8 next month, so I have yet to face this issue head on. I will share what I learned through my personal experiences growing up however. The stuff that I put my parents through growing up, oh my goodness!!! Not for the weak.
To sum up a little about me and where I came from...I was born in 1980 at 10lbs. 1oz. From what I have been told, I was a happy, easy going, good baby. (I have to agree, because I am still quite the same...even a little larger than what I probably should be.lol) Life was good. I was later joined by my sister, Brooke, in 1982. She was again, a 10lb. 11oz., big bundle of baby. Our parents weren't wealthy by any means. I can't tell you the exact number of times we moved as we were growing up, but I will say it was alot! All in all, life was good.
My parents seperated when I was in the 5th or 6th grade. My dad was an alcoholic and well my mother liked to drink as well, it was my dad that had the really big problem however. They fought about everything. It was for the best. So my sister and I went to go live with my mom.
I know it's not easy raising kids all by yourself, I myself am doing it right now. My mom worked multiple jobs just to make ends meet. She had not gone to or finished college, so she went to Cosmetology school to get her degree. The school was 30 minutes from where we lived, not easy for a single mom to do. So we moved to where the school was located. I have to say, this is when things changed drastically.
I was just starting middle school, 7th grade, about 12 years old. We had lived in very small towns or in the county my entire life, now we were in a much, much larger city and it was all new to me. I have always been the one who is nice to everyone, I try my hardest and see the good in everyone. It wasn't long after our move when I started hanging out with the "wrong crowd." My mom was at work all the time, it was just me and my sister, so what else was I to do? I cannot tell you everything that I did, but I will tell you this...I did pretty much everything you can think of in regards to what you pray that your children will not do.
I started smoking and skipping school. I had a boyfriend that my mom could care less for. We stole my mom's car one night when she went out of town with one of her boyfriends to pick someone up from the airport, and to top it off, we dropped the clutch and managed to get it home a park it right back where we found it as if nothing had ever happened. (Which by the way, took about 3 days before it was discovered that we did it.) That's when it all started the speedy glide downhill. My mom then started working nights and during the day would do hair in a salon. She was either working or sleeping with no time for me or my sister. I know now that she was trying to do all she could for us, but all I needed and wanted was my mom. If I could have had the chose between living in our car if that's how it had to be or having my mom work day and night just to put a roof over our head, I would have picked living in the car.
To get my mom's attention, I acted out. I was still with the boyfriend that was no good for me and I knew that. But my mom hated it so much, I did it anyways. I would leave at night when she would go to work and go with him, of which my sister would call and tell on me, which would send my mom back home to find me. This went on and on. If my mom wanted me to do something, I did the exact opposite. I even ran away from home on numerous occasions. I didn't want to run away, but I did it anyway. I knew that the relationship I was in was not a good one. Who in their right mind would like to live with no hot water for months at a time, no food in the fridge, in a small run down dirty trailer, where dogs crap all up and down the hallway, so better watch your step. I did it anyway because my mom was so against it.
Then I was forced to go live with my dad. He lived in a small town, about 400 people, and my mom figured I couldn't get into much trouble there. And that it was my dad's turn to step up and be a father. You see, we constantly heard how terrible of a father we had and how he never wanted to see us and that we must not be important enough to him.....This is one thing that I will never, ever do to my children, it does absolutely no good to bad mouth the other parent, especially to your children, no good at all. So I was sent to my dad's and life was ok. I was back in school, good thing I had some sort of intelligence, because I was able to jump back in with no problem. Life was good. I was still with the boyfriend, but my dad said that as long as I told him the truth and what I was doing or who I was with, that I could do pretty much whatever I wanted. He didn't try to "control" my every move and with the freedom and trust we had, I was good. I still drove the hour to go see my boyfriend, but he knew where I was and I would come back home. When my mom found out that I was still seeing him however, she flipped. She came to my dad's house determined to get me put into some sort of detention center for youths. Which by the way, none would take me in because I was not "bad" in terms of breaking the law, I just did things to disobey my mother. This is how my life continued....
It was just after the beginning of my senior year in high school. I was still living with my dad. Life was normal. It was the middle of September of 1997, I believe the 13th, when my boyfriend who I had been with for 4 years, was involved in a car accident with 2 other boys, and none of them survived. It was around 7am and extremely foggy, they were on the highway going to pick up his mom and take her to work when they hit a semi head on. When I heard, I honestly thought my life was over. That is one of the hardest things for a teenage girl to go through and all anyone can do is be there for them. Well again, my mother was not big on holding her tongue as to how she felt about him or his family. My dad let me stay at his mom's house until the funeral, he even brought some flowers and paid his respects to his mother, even shedding tears as well. Because as any parent knows, the loss of a child is the hardest thing you will ever have to go through.
After that was all said and done, I had to move on with my life. I went back up to my dad's and finished my senior year, graduating with my class just as planned. Even with all the school I had missed, I was able to graduate as long as I could stay show that I could keep straight "A's" and that I was at the level needed be in my learning, it also helped that I was advanced in math when I was in 7th grade, I had all my credits needed to graduate there by the time I was in 9th grade. So I graduated in 1998 with a class of 10 girls & 3 boys and it was at the time my greatest achievement in life.
I have since had many other obstacles, of which I will share later. But the point I want to share is this...I can't tell you what your suppose to do, or where we are suppose to draw the line in regards to raising our kids and letting them make their own choices. That's something you will have to decide when the time comes. I will tell you that all you can do is be here for your kids, set a good example and expect them to do their best, that is all that you can do. No one wants to see their children "mess up" or make the wrong decisions in life, but we all have to learn from our mistakes. If we shelter our kids in hopes of protecting them, often times it only drives them away. When you are there to pick up every piece to make things right, they never learn. I knew that I was not in a good relationship, I didn't want that...I also knew that if I gave in, then that would show my mom that she was right and as a teenager, you can't do that. I had to prove that I could do what I wanted and live through it, that I could make my own decisions.
So don't push to hard, but don't be too free either. Let your children make their own decisions, even if they have to fall down a little bit, because all in all, I'm sure you did a pretty good job and they will live and learn and all will turn out just fine.
